I wrote 200 letters I will never send
by Blood Red Kiss of Death
Summary: He promised they'd write, but he never did.


******Title:** I wrote 200 letters I will never send**  
****Characters:** Vanessa, Dan  
******Rating/Word Count:** PG | 946  
**Disclaimer:** 'Gossip Girl' belongs to Cecily von Ziegesar, Josh Schwartz, and the CW. No copyright infringement intended.**  
****One-Line Excerpt:** He promised they'd write, but he never did.**  
****Author's Note:** Title comes from Maroon5's _Misery_. This is based on the following picture. (just remove all spaces)

i561 . photobucket . com / albums/ ss60/ artemisphoenix/screen_caps/burnthecity/challenge4DV . png

* * *

He promised they'd write, but he never did. She penned her thoughts, sometimes every day; at least once a week. Everything she would tell her best friend, she wrote, but never sent, not even the angry thoughts.

Vanessa finished placing all the letters into a shoe box and moved to put it in her luggage, then stopped and went to her carry-on. A masochist, she was.

It was a 10 hour trip back home, spanning the night and landing at 3 a.m. Her only contacts had been her parents, Ruby, Rufus and occasionally Nate. She had mentioned her arrival to Rufus, but assured him that her sister was coming. _Liar._ Ruby was away with her band. Vanessa didn't want to talk to anyone yet. The internship was a wonderful experience and "reality" would ruin her high.

She slept the entire two hour flight from Port Au Prince to Panama City, Panama; spent the two and a half hour layover eating and checking her camera footage. But when the five hour flight to JFK airport began, so did the nerves. An hour on the plane, and she gave up on sleep. Vanessa retrieved her letters-filled box and, taking her time, reread each letter. Not a tear shed; she wouldn't cry for him. When she finished, instead of trying to sleep the final moments away, she composed her final summer letter.

The plane touched New York City land at 3 a.m., and Vanessa wordlessly exited the aircraft and headed to baggage claim. But upon arriving through the waiting party section, someone stepped directly in her way. Her gaze meet his. "Dan."

"Hey."

Face blank, she stared, unable to process if he was really standing there, in the airport. "Why are you here?"

"As usual, my dad told me."

"Then he also told you Ruby is picking me –"

"Liar," he teased with a grin.

She snapped her head up, locking eyes. She was not the liar in this room.

"I, um, I know that Ruby's not in the City," he stuttered. "I figured no one was coming so I –"

"Did it occur to you that I didn't want anyone here?" she said coldly.

"I wanted to be here."

"No. You don't get to play Perfect Boyfriend when I leave and return. Because when I was gone is what counts the most."

"I made a mistake," he pleaded.

"No! I did. For giving in. I told you I was scared, and I believed you, that we could make it work. _You_ are the liar. You never even…" And finally, the dam broke; the tears came rushing. "I _hate_ you."

He enveloped her, holding her tightly and walked them off to the side.

It was nearing 3:30 in the morning. She was exhausted and overwhelmed. He was here. He came to pick her up.

"I'm sorry, I messed up. I didn't know what to say. And I was afraid you wouldn't answer."

She pulled away. Those blues, exotic blues, so familiar, he wanted to kiss her but resisted, not ready for the well-deserved slap.

"My suitcases," she mentioned, weakly.

He nodded and grabbed her carry-on bag before taking her hand in his and walking to baggage claim.

They were quiet the entire way back to the loft. Vanessa walked straight into Jenny's bedroom and collapsed on the bed, sleeping well into the afternoon.

By the time she awoke, it was nearing six. Dan was gone. _Of course,_ she rolled her eyes and started up her laptop. While it started, her eyes caught the box and reached for it again. Before opening the container, she put it aside and decided to shower first. She spent an entire day traveling and felt _dirty_.

Dan entered his sister's room, intending to wake up his girlfr– best fr– Vanessa. That's when he heard the shower on and sighed in relief that she hadn't left. _Hope._ They'd figure something out; somehow, someway, someday.

On the way out, he noticed a small box on the bed, and without thinking he reached over and opened it. Letters. Why would she have a box-full of letters? He pulled the first one out and unfolded it. He recognized the stationary. When he told her to take the internship, he came with a gift, paper to write letters back and forth. He gulped and began reading.

"Dan?" she squeaked in panic at the boy on the bed, reading her private thoughts, letters she never sent; never intended for his eyes.

He jumped up, caught, and blushed deep red. "I, um, went to get dinner," he pointed to the carry-out bag beside him, "and went to wake you up, but you were in the shower," and then he finally looked at her. She was only wearing a towel. He gulped. "Um…"

She crossed her arms in front of her, anger radiating from her body.

"You wrote," was all he could get out.

"You didn't. Please leave. I need to change and I'm uncomfortable with you looking at me like that."

He nodded and stood up, averting his eyes. Dan let the paper fall back to the bed and grabbed the brown bag, leaving his sister's room and closing the door behind him.

"Perogies?" He held up a plate and set it back down.

She paused in her step, looking at the table.

"Look, I really screwed everything up. I'm sorry. But can't we just eat and watch a movie and figure things out tomorrow. You can tell me about your internship and I can tell you about" _the baby_ "Georgina."

Vanessa sighed and nodded. "Only because I'm hungry and haven't had a perogie in three months, Humphrey."

"I'll take it."

**.end.**


End file.
